7 ways to make new friends

Roz Rabbani - Staff Writer, Photo courtesy of Google Images

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The new school year has hardly started and students are looking to meet new people. Whether you are new to the school and looking to find friends, or a returning student who just wants to make some new ones, these amazing tricks will help you make friends with ease.
1. While crossing the street on Valmar, hop into a random person’s car at the crosswalk and start a conversation with him or her about your favorite new television show.
2. If you see an approachable person you may want to befriend in your math class, stare at your potential BFF until you get his or her full attention and once you do, begin licking your lips at him or her for ten seconds and then wink.
3. If you see a person with a cool watch or another accessory, go steal it from him or her and run away as fast as you can. When he or she finally catches you, explain to your new companion that you were just trying to make a new friend and tell him or her about your family.
4. If you see a person on his or her phone during nutrition, go up to the person, grab the person’s phone out of his or her hand, and scream “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!” as loud as you can. Your newfound buddy will do just that.
5. On your way to class in the halls of the H-building, jump on the back of the person walking in front of you and yell “PIGGY-BACK RIDE!” This person will then carry you to your class and you guys can go get Golden Spoon together after school.
6. If you see a new student who looks lost, ask the student if he or she needs help finding his or her class. If the answer is yes, take your brand new pal to the area behind the cafeteria, handcuff him or her to a tree and make him or her tell you about his childhood.
7. In class, ask the person sitting next to you if you can borrow a pencil. If this classmate says yes, say “oh, gracias” in your best minion voice, then proceed to speak to him or her only in minion language until he or she agrees to hang out with you after school that day.
If you follow all of these steps in detail, you will definitely make some amazing new friends this upcoming school year. (This comes with no guarantee you will not get arrested or sent to the office.)

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