Written by Lida Dianti – Features Editor and Jake Bender – Staff Writer

For the few students at CHS who do not know what fantasy sports are, this is the breakdown: A fantasy sports team is a way for sport fanatics to create the team of their dreams comprised of their favorite players.  Within a fantasy league, teams compete against one another and their subsequent winnings are based on real game statistics.  Here is the Courier’s cheat sheet to creating a top-notch fantasy sports team:

1. Fight the urge of picking a petty name for your team.  You want to choose a stylish, yet sophisticated name that boasts of your team’s morale and cut-throat athletic ability.  The commonly used ‘I am Bringing Sexon Back’ is a nice fit.  (Note: Richie Sexon is the name of a baseball player.)

2. The best way to conduct fantasy sports business is lying on the sofa with your sweatpants on, laptop open and ESPN blaring.

3. Pick your players wisely and check statistics religiously to stay up-to-date.  The smartest route is to not pick players because you like the color of their uniforms.

4. In fantasy basketball, if you ever have the opportunity to pick a Charlotte Bobcat, do not pick a Charlotte Bobcat.  As a rule of thumb, stay away from all players drafted or acquired by the team’s owner, Michael Jordan.  (Note: The Bobcats are terrible.)

5. People tend to use profanity when expressing frustration over fantasy sports, so do not be afraid to really let it out.  Of course, if you are following these steps and your team is winning, you do not have to resort to this type of behavior.

6. If a guy offers you a trade and says it is a “win-win,” know that it is most certainly not a “win-win.”  The trade is a win for him, and he is most likely taking advantage of you.

7. If you are trying to pursue fantasy golf, you are wasting your time; it does not exist.

8. Fantasy sports is a marathon; if you are hitting a rough patch, do not panic and trade away your whole team.  Instead keep your eye on the prize and hope you pick up a second wind.  If that does not happen, feel free to trade away all of those losers.

9. Please do not waste your time on fantasy hockey.  No one cares about hockey; this is not Canada.

10. If you follow all these steps, your team will be an overwhelming success.  Remember: do not talk about your team excessively because it is just fantasy, not real life.