Cyd Vicious

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Cyd Vicious

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Sometimes I feel so trapped in my own life. Every day seems exactly the same. For the first half of my life, I lived in Providence, Rhode Island, and I cannot remember such mundane routines during those formative years; therefore, I often find myself blaming Calabasas itself for forcing me into the ever-deepening rut of my life.

I am being dramatic, of course, as excitement does interject between the hackneyed tasks of my academic and social careers. And yet, these bouts of adrenaline are always fleeting, and their brevity just adds to my discouragement and boredom. What I have realized while considering this emotional loop is that despite the intensity of my days or the spontaneity of my nights, I will always end up back in the same place. The only thing that can break this vicious cycle is a severe change. My lusting after such a change must have blinded me from a blatantly obvious solution that I only recently realized: college, a theme that is ubiquitous to any high school student.

A large portion of my friends left for college this year, including my sister Sawyer. Watching them all scatter across the country to experience the best years of their lives used to hit me like a punch in the stomach as I realized I was still stuck in Calabasas with no way out. The fact that Sawyer and everyone else were granted the freedom to direct their own lives made me feel so helpless. This experience was like watching someone win the lottery when I could not even pay for one ticket; I wanted what they had so badly, but my inherent circumstances, namely my age, prevented me from having a chance to get it.

However, after wallowing in self-pity for a few weeks, I recalled last June’s graduation. My sister and my friends cried and embraced each other in sad anticipation of the change they were about to endure. Suddenly, my circumstances were not so suffocating anymore.

Although I am eager for new experiences, Sawyer and my friends’ reactions to what I so anxiously await reminds me to savor my boring routines. I should be thankful to have friends that can tell me what is coming, regardless of how perfect my fantasy of a college life is. I eventually want to explore the rest of the country and maybe the world, but for now, I guess Calabasas is not so bad.

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