Flying solo this Valentine’s Day?


Written by Zach Testa – Staff Writer  and Ella Morner-Ritt – Staff Writer

Are you too self-conscious to be alone on a holiday created by greeting card companies to profit off your insecurities of being alone and unloved?  Join the romantic comedy protagonist club!  Being alone on this terrifyingly pink holiday is completely okay.  You can do all the quintessential Valentine’s Day activities alone.  These activities are not at all overused or cliché.

Buy yourself chocolates and flowers.  Who needs a man or woman to buy you some delicious pieces of sadness and a nice bouquet of upsetting reminders?  You can buy your own sadness, thank you very much.

Take yourself out to a movie.  No one will see you crying in the dark…even if you are watching Frozen.  No one will care if you are bawling in front of children; only insane parents care about their children’s well-being and make sure they are not sitting next to insane teenagers at the movies.

Eat dinner by yourself.  Better yet, order for two like you are expecting someone, but eat the extra plate also.  You will feel so great about yourself after downing four chocolate cake slices.  Have fun with the check.

Another common venture for a Valentine’s Day loner is heading over to the local park.  There is a solid chance that you will see another lonesome soul that might just be desperate enough to spend his or her special day with the likes of you.

If you are also dedicated to spending all of your parents’ money, buy yourself a necklace.  This purchase will serve as another even more expensive way to remind yourself of your future…with your cats…alone.

At the end of a long day, settle down and get ready for a romantic evening ending in your bed.  Have a good cry and remember all of your friends who looked so happy with their significant other today.  Remember that you are in no way good enough for anyone and let it all pour out onto your pillow–a salty love letter to NO ONE.

As much as this holiday is made to make you feel bad if you are alone or without someone to call your own, your worth as a human is not undermined if you have not found true love in high school or at any point in your life. Being alone is a completely natural state, and do not feel guilty for spending a cheesy holiday by yourself doing the things that this holiday made famous.

Happy Valentine’s Day!