The Senioritis virus spreads, infecting seniors nationwide


Everyday, four out of five seniors in high school find themselves caring less and less about school.  To many, this syndrome is known as Senioritis (sē-nyər-ī-təs) and has several severe, and sometimes fatal, symptoms.  Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Senioritis as an ebbing of motivation and effort by school seniors as evidenced by tardiness, absences, and lower grades.  The first sign of impending Senioritis is a clear lack of motivation.

Seniors show up late and unprepared for class on a regular basis.  This has proved to be disruptive to not only the other students in the class but to the teachers as well.  Educating high school students becomes incredibly difficult when some kids choose to arrive tardy.  Another part of this issue is the blatant disregard for authority.  Students think that following their acceptances to a college, they can just stroll in late and disrespect the institution.  Barging in to class late is completely unacceptable and interrupts the learning process.

“I just hope that President Obama can take some sort of legal action against this horrific outbreak,” said an anonymous teacher.  “These seniors are pushing me toward the verge of retirement.”

Homework has become the most difficult part of senior year.  After spending a long day of showing up late to class, doing a couple of worksheets at home is clearly too much to ask.  Most students choose to not even attempt the assignment and do not even bother to turn it in.  Grades begin to tank and failure is imminent to those who suffer from this terrible disease.

Seniors across the country are being infected by lethargy.  The level that students care about overall high school life is measured by the sweatpants ratio.  Students that cannot be bothered by school are found wearing sweatpants more and more.  During the first three years of high school the ratio is found to be 1:10, but seniors have an astonishing ratio of 7:10.  When the ratio crosses over the 1:2 barrier, experts advise that parents should consider consulting a doctor about the problem.

There are only a couple of treatments that have proven to be effective in marginalizing the symptoms.  If discovered early in the first semester, parents can help prevent a full outbreak of Senioritis by constantly logging on to check their child’s grades.  Therapy has also proven to be an average device in slowing down Senioritis.  It may delay the disease until second semester, which is long enough for most colleges to not rescind their acceptances.  Regardless, Senioritis is a terrible epidemic that needs to be stopped before any teachers are harmed.